This is one of the most difficult things i've had to write about to date.

Those of you who read carefully will be aware of my thoughts on being copied. So, imagine my surprise when an anonymous commenter on my Limewire dating post told me that someone has been copying my posts and passing them off as their own.
It was more than weird, reading my own words through someone else's site. I mean, i know our online selves are not our true selves. These fragments can never tell the whole story, and they're not meant to. Not for me anyway. As my title suggests - for me it's as much about what you don't say. I'm really interested in the stuff between the lines - the stuff you decide really doesn't need to be broadcast on the Internet (and conversely how the hell we choose the stuff that does). But I realised that as soon as i publish something, it's subject to change by it's readers. But i don't want to control that, i want it to be out there and become a developing, changing document.
However, this has been a reality check for me, i'm looking into intellectual copyright. I'm going to make sure that despite my desire to make links with people and put stuff out there, if anyone is going to get credit for my ideas and indeed if anyone is going to make money from my writing or from SOUNDTRACK or any associated projects, it will be me.
So Bloggers beware: it happens. And if you want see it with your own eyes -look for the post dated 19th May 2007 (at the bottom of the front page).

Can't sleep

My mum hugged me and said, "You're an immensely talented person. This is last minute nerves."

I installed SOUNDTRACK, my current story-telling project, in the bar seven days ago. The festival runs for another week but so far the project has exceeded my expectations (can't remember what my expectations were now). People have been coming out of the woodwork with all sorts of gems. I've been taking them away and editing them, and adding them in the next day. I can't leave the thing alone. I've been sitting there nearly every day to see how people are reacting to it, i've called everyone i know (who couldn't make it to the private view) and insisted that they come down for a listen. I couldn't go today or yesterday, and i've really missed it! Like a friend who might be having fun while i'm not there.
As boxes go, this one is good.

Truth is....

I want to run around a huge empty field screaming. I don't want anyone to be around to ask me what's wrong, or to look at me like i'm a mad woman.
When i've finished screaming i want to lay down in the sun and go to sleep.
When i wake up, i want my life to be different. I want to be a person who makes a living from something that she is good at and she loves. I want to come home to someone who loves me and looks after me and i want to have more time for other people because my life is running pretty smoothly.
I don't want to be sitting here obsessing about my storytelling project and wishing i'd never started it. I don't want to be a person who doubts everything thing they do to the point where nothing ever gets finished. I shouldn't be doing this.
I should be looking for a job- since i left the one that was making me miserable and now only have two weeks savings left.
I don't want to work for that woman i met yesterday who, when i bounced in all friendly and enthusiastic about teaching photography again, gave me a limp handshake and talked to me in that way that only bitter post-menopausal women can talk to younger women ( i could tell she thought i was younger than i am). "You haven't got much experience, have you?"
But am i going to do any of this? Or am i just going to send her my cv and show her some prints (as if she'd know fine art printing from a picture in the local fucking newspaper) and will i try and make her like me so she'll give me the job, and then make myself miserable all over again.
Or maybe i shouldn't do any of the above and try and start up a garden design business. Forget about being a fucking artist, take that risk of self-employment -maybe it'll be easier second time around......
I kind of thought i could do all of the above, but maybe that's where i'm going wrong.

What are we going to do when there are no more record shops?

Okay, iv'e just fallen in love with someone on Limewire.
I hardly ever use the 'browse host' button, but tonight i was downloading Mungo Jerry's 'In the Summertime' and i thought i'd see what kind of cat would have such a tune in his library.

I love this person! I mean this host has a virtually faultless music taste! He's got everything: all the obvious stuff like the Beatles, Beachboys, the few best Stones songs, Stevie Wonder etc. But then he's got Marvin Gaye, Smokey Robinson, Mamas and the Papas, Isley Brothers
without being ashamed to have a bit of Abba, ACE OF BASE!, the themes from Grease and Saturday Night Fever in there too. Then he's got 70's folk: Cat Stevens, Credence Clearwater Revival, America, Rod Stewart AND 70's disco- Sister Sledge, Jacksons etc.
Bit of Weezer, Fugees 'Ready or Not'; the (Dirty) version of 'Don Cha' by the Pussycat Dolls.
The only track that grated was a Shania Twain song, but i'm not above being won over if the right person had an argument for that being good.
He's also got TV themes including the theme tune from Charlie Brown and Snoopy, and Bart and Michael Jackson sing Happy Birthday Lisa!!!!! GSOH, no need to overstate it.
I expect by this point that the astute among you may be saying to yourselves " But how'd you even know this host is male? Huh? Eh?"
Lean over so i can whisper in your ear.

There were some WWF theme tunes in there.

But i can overlook that!

Anyway, how cool would it be if Limewire started a dating service? (Someone's going to nick this idea now, aren't they?) So you could contact those file sharers that wanted to be identified and what a great basis for a possible relationship... My idea that one! You heard it here first.

Boxes

I've scraped a MASSIVE dent in the side of my car.
I keep eating a whole packet of fig rolls in one go
and my storytelling project is due to be installed in eleven days time.
It's going to be an archive in progress, that is, it will be all the stories so far on a listening post (possibly with music). I'm expecting that more people will want to tell stories once they've heard the one's i've got so far. I want people to know that any story they want to tell is a good one. I'm interested in all of it, every seemingly trivial little bit, that for some reason lodges in your head. It's really frustrating sometimes when i ask people if they will contribute and they start telling me their story but they think it has to be something else or more, and i want to just whip out a mic and say, "thanks, that was it!"
It's a delicate process of negotiation you know: but it's a great feeling once you get it down on tape. It makes me feel high, like i've managed to slow down time or change it's pace. I'm an archivist. I need to put things in boxes. It's like blogging: it's the new photography.