Sunday, April 29, 2012

Men really are like buses

The sequence of events is all a bit fuzzy now.   But the key points in the story are still there.
I called him (to ask if he wanted to do something?) He was having drinks after work with some of our colleaugues, but he went outside to talk to me.
"Yeah, I was just talking to X, and I was telling him about you and I, and he said,... well he said I should tell you that I'm still seeing my Ex.  Cause it's not really fair is it? On you. So maybe we should..."
"Call it a day?"
Later on, I cried my eyes out.  In hindsight this was probably because this reminded me of several relationships I had been in before.
I went upstairs to the laptop, and opened my blog.
And there it was.  Two messages, one of them really long, left on my comments, from this guy.
I promised him I wouldn't publish them , so I won't. 
To paraphrase: he said he missed me, he had finished with his girlfriend and he wanted to meet up (that sounds pretty cold, it wasn't like that, it was actually really sweet, however I'm sticking to my word).
This was a shock.
After all I hadn't heard anything from him for Two years! Not a text, not a facebook friend request- nothing!
But that is a divergent story. 
I went out of my way to persuade the Guy I Ended Up Having a Relationship With to change his mind.  The result was, that I ended up seeing them both. I figured if we're both seeing other people then we're quits. 
Maybe some of you readers could enlighten me on this, but How do people do that shit? I mean those people who two -time professionally, or as a hobby or whatever.
It was really weird.  Apart from the logistics for a single parent getting TWO babysitters on a weekend, and the expense!  It got to the point really quickly where I couldn't remember to whom I had said what.
The two-timing culminated one night when I realised I felt really angry with the guy.  I mean, although we were having a fun time dating, two years ago, he chose his crappy girlfriend over Me! Typically unable to voice my feelings, I ran away.  I ran away at the end of one of our dates. It was freezing cold, it was late, and I was upset, so I rang TGEUHRW,  He said, "Yeah, come over.  Bring sexy underwear and fags."

Sunday, April 22, 2012


When we got back to work, I could tell that he felt he had to 'make up' for falling asleep on me. 
The flirting was stepped up a notch.  He crossed the boundary that was our two desks width and he came and sat on the chair next to mine.  He sat with his arms outsretched across the radiator.
"You should take me out for a drink sometime......."
And that's how it starts isn't it? 
I know this now.  That's how it starts, with the casual assertion that 'you should do something for me', when really 'no, you should take me out for a drink'.
Nonetheless, I went.
On the evening we had arranged, I felt like shit.  I had one of those colds with blocked sinuses that make you feel like you're having an uncomfortable out of body experience.  After a day at work, the last thing I wanted to do was drink. I explained as soon as we met that I would just be having one glass of wine.  He said he was glad I hadn't canceled because he would have been really upset if I had.
I don't remember what we talked about.
At the end of the evening I went home (after all it was a school day).
He told me the next day, that he'd given someone a call and gone on to a club.
In hindsight, it all seems so disturbingly obvious.

Sunday, April 15, 2012


We sat opposite each other at work.
I had got more hours, and so was teaching everyday (equivalent to about a point 5). Our relationship started with a bit of office banter. Mainly this would consist of him telling me stories about his dating escapades. He would show me pictures of the latest women who had 'liked' him on the site.
He also talked about an 'Ex'. I presumed the dating stuff was an entertaining (if a little misguided) attempt to get over that relationship.
When I had asked him if he had a good Christmas he told me that he hadn't, he wasn't close to his parents and his dad was ill with cancer.
When it came to half term, to my surprise, I dreamed about him in the week I wasn't at work! I then realised that I was really looking forward to seeing him at the end of the second week.
It was my bosses wedding and everyone from work was invited. I was looking really hot and this didn't go unnoticed. He monopolised me for most of the evening: at one point we were standing at the bar talking to another colleague and he had his arms on the bar either side of me. I quite liked that too. He's six foot four, and it had been a long time since anyone had been that familiar with me physically.
Towards the end of the night we were talking and I realised he was going to kiss me.
"You're not going to kiss me in front of all our colleagues surely....."

Anyway, I drove him and a couple of other people home, dropping him off last. At his flat he played some lad music and I flippantly asked if he had any disco. And this was the hook (could it be that simple?) he put on some Shuggie Otis.
There was no romance, in fact he fell asleep on the sofa. I took a sheet off the clothes airer and put it over him, and then I drove home.

Thursday, April 05, 2012

Rich Indeed

It was the Person I Ended up Having a Relationship With that had said to me in June, "you need some counseling or anti-depressants or something".
I am having some counseling at the moment, but I will not be taking anti-depressants and I have found that the "or something" was in fact asking him to leave.
It was nearly seven months ago now and I find that I am still replaying the events in my mind, to a degree that I am not comfortable with.
Seven months ago it was waking me up in the middle of the night and at five or six in the morning. It was only absent when I was working and even then it would return like the water fills the hole as soon as you take your hand out of the bucket.
I realised a couple of months ago, that I had not bought or read a newspaper for FIVE MONTHS.
My days were a roller coaster (to use the cliche) of manically coping and then falling apart.
This turned into the same ride, but over two or three days; then it became weeks, and now it is starting to be an uncomfortable niggle, a thing that has not yet been dealt with.
So that's why I'm here.
To see if it will work.
To dump it in my psychic bin.